Coldfishes, and how to get a good fuck out of them

August 9th, 2009 Leave a reply »

This post is mostly for women.

It may apply also to men, to some extent, but your mileage may vary. Try at your own risk!

The situation is the following.

You gladly agreed to come to his place, full of expectations. You may not know him too much, or you may have just met him in a bar. Or perhaps he’s that old high-school mate, known for years, whose clothes you always dreamed to rip off – and never managed to, at least so far.

So you are full of expectations, we said. The dude is going to give you the time of your life, you think – or at least some delightful hours. You can’t wait thinking of all the nice treats you will receive, and that you are so ready to reciprocate.

You may be a bit nervous, especially in the case of the former high-school mate – but you know that you will wake up tomorrow in an awesome mood, and that for whole next day the world will seem a wonderful place – you’ll go through your daily stuff with the flashes of the night before, popping up to your mind and making you smile.

Ok, now what?

He opens your bra with trembling hands, if you are wearing one. He clumsily grabs one of your boobs, while staring at you…. uhm, he has a blank face.

Oh My Gosh! He’s clueless! You all of a sudden realize that he’s shy and helpless. But not shy in the sweet shy way, or in the hot shy way, rather he is shy in the embarrassed and embarrassing way.

You feel something suddenly drying up between your legs. Life is mean to you, tonight. Instead of a good fuck (and a happy day tomorrow) you are going to be bored, irritable, and you’ll think most of the time “What the hell am I doing here?”, while he is moving mechanically over you. You’ll have a perfect chance to focus and memorize the shape of the ceiling, in the meanwhile, and to rehearse your last university lesson or the shopping list for tomorrow.

So, what can you do at this point? Of course you can leave. but I recommend against. You will regret it if you do so, believe me. And you will have made a man feel miserable, which is certainly not nice.

My suggestion, instead, is to take your chance to do something good to the world, plus turning a wasted night into a little mission for humankind.

Help him overcome the cold fish status! If you do that well, he will remember you as a goddess, forever. And chances are that he will make other women happier, in the future. (you are nice, ha? :-) )

How to do this?

I have tried several strategies (yes, I did meet indeed some cold fishes here and there), and here are the ive approaches that seem to work best.

1. Tell him: Let’s relax together and have a good time. I will make sure that this happens – I enjoy it this way, is it ok with you? Your role is to lay back and let me take care of you. And do not focus on your cock, that’s my job, ok? Forget that you have a cock, think about seawaves under the moonlight, or anything less cheesy. You are now his nurse. That is enjoyable from time to time. He may enjoy it too.

2. Take the opposite strategy: shock him. Put your elbows on a table, and bend over. Lift your skirt from behind, and tell him to forget foreplay: you just want to be fucked (Add: “Preferably, if you don’t mind, in my ass”, if you like – check his cock size first, though, especially if you are courageous enough to go the B-side without lube)

3. Make him laugh. This does wonders sometimes. Tell him a dirty joke, the dirtiest joke that you know (I maintain my list for such occasions).

4. Spice it up, by turning things around. Don’t go for the fuck, at least not just yet. Tell him you would like to play strip poker, or anything of that kind. Or ask him to put cream on your nipples, but making sure it’s just the whole nipple covered by cream and nothing else (yes, he will have then to lick it away, as you correctly presumed, but again he’s not allowed to touch with his tongue any part of your tit, except the nipple itself)., Or tell him you want to perform a lap dance for him – the old easypeasy lapdance still works almost without exception…

5. Change place. If you are in a suitable apartment building, ask him to fullfill your longtime fantasy, i.e. giving a blowjob in an elevator. (Make sure not to get stuck in the elevator, though, if you press the “stop” button.)

There are other strategies, but these ones often prove effective into turning a boring mechanical session into a memorable good fuck.

I assume men have their own strategies too, when the situation is reversed. I can’t really comment on this because I have never noticed any such strategy applied to me. Which could mean, for example, that I am not a cold fish. :-)

(PS: However, thinking about it, I wouldn’t mind being the target of such a strategy, for once… I’ll probably have to pretend to be a cold fish – I may do that.)

If you like this post, you may want to check my longer, naughty videos

9 Responses

  1. Darkness Darkness says:

    You make some great points, it always helps to be relaxed – mind you a cold fish will always be a cold fish i think…..

    Its rather refreshing to see that woman such as yourself can see that men are sometimes nervous to the point of being frozen in time and that you actually dont leave and take the trouble to make the experience great for both of you….Good Work Z…..

  2. Rafael Rafael says:

    you are my godess!

    I hate when it happens to me…what you call ‘cold fish’ ..
    very nice to hear tips from a woman that knows how to deal with this..made me feel comfortable, really, good job!

    • Rafael Rafael says:

      from my experience it’s all related to men’s perception of himself and how he perceives her.
      In short, too much expectancy(right word?) can lead to a ‘kernel panic’ :)

  3. Geri Geri says:

    You know how to get fun in bed (or elsewhere)! I wanna have that all girls are open-minded like you. Good post, good blog, good girl! :-P

  4. Alex Alex says:

    Good post. Could you post a video of you having sex? That would be great.

  5. Paul Paul says:

    So now I know what may expect me someday … or what I have to do someday ;)

    Btw. this is the first blog I read every day.
    I really enjoy reading your thoughts about porn because their intelligent and also interesting and not just about fucking and some dumb shit.
    aah … finally a website for smart people :)

  6. DS DS says:

    This post is, in essence, the perfect description of Tantric sex… it’s all about your brain – not your cock/cunt.. ! :-) Thanks, Zuzinka!

  7. user123 user123 says:

    so you´ve had that blowjob in an elevator?nice fantasy, indeed :D

  8. Adam Adam says:

    Thanks for this post Zuzinka. You are amazing!

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